The New "Fuck You."

Submitted by Robin Olson on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 17:45

I hate working in an office. Yeah, I know, everyone does it and I'm a freak for not doing it for endless years upon years. I'll probably have to work at McDonald's instead of retiring, unless I marry a sugar daddy soon.

I don't care for the secret-double-speak of being "proactive" (what, are we all for being active? are there "anti-active" people, too?). I hate the blue-green florescent lights and "cubicles" that hinder any hope for having a moment's peace or a second of privacy. My God, I can't even FART where I work!

The workspace is so open, we all basically sit at a long shared desk, split down the middle by a two foot tall divider. Other than that, there are no walls or doors. Say something and the whole office can hear you. Rip a fart, forget it. The only hope is to walk over to the color printer, near the dust-blowing-sneeze-making-duct and hope the fan kicks on just as you release your gas. Other than that, you'd better suck it up or waddle to the bathroom and hope you're alone long enough to release whatever cloud you've got rumbling back "there."

The worst is the pretend-world of etiquette-the overzealous use of; "Thank You or Thanks!" No one means it. Everyone says it so many times it's morphed into something besides a term of gratitude. You know what I'm talking about. It has come to mean, "Fuck You," or "I don't really appreciate what you did, but I have to say Thank You so you'll think I'm doing the politically correct thing, or worse even than that-just "THANKS," you're not even worth the full lie of "Thank You." You just deserve the least I can say and still appear to be a civilized and "nice" person; "Thanks." Yeah, sure.

Why the fuck bother saying, "Thank You!" with the cheerfully phoney "Bang!"(exclamation) included. We all know you HATE your client, boss, co-workers, so why not be honest about it? Because the peon's from HR are monitoring what you're doing and saying? Sure! Because the economy sucks and you have to keep your job even though you HATE it?

I still think we need to just stop saying "Thank You" all together. It's like people who say; "Love you!" because saying; "I love you" really means something, but "Love you!" is so phoney, yet you get credit for saying it! I know you don't really mean it, so don't waste my time with bullshit.

Say "Thank you" if you REALLY are grateful and appreciative. If you're not, then just sign your email with your name and nothing else or tell the truth?!

"I've been working on this project for two weeks and made every change you've asked for and added ones that might please you. Since you have decided for your own ego-centric, brown-nosing reasons that you need to see another 6 revisions in less time than is reasonable to deliver them, and I have to work late again, for no extra pay, I must let you know that I find this entire project is stripping me of any grain of creativity I have left and makes me want to bring an AK-47 to work."

Then you can end your letter with the other "Fuck You" alternative;
"Have a Nice Day!"

I hope this helped clear up a few things.